Today I cancelleed my car insurance! Hoorah! Chad the phone guy was just as friendly as Flo is in the commercials. When I explained that I sold my car because I could no longer afford the bills, he let out a long "Awwwwwwwww..." No man, I just want to be able to save money for the first time. And buy clothes cause half the ones I have are from 2005 and riddled with holes. I need to stay sharp!
Alas, my wonderful pretend boyfriend from Starbucks and I have separated. He likes little hipster chicks and that is gross. Enjoy your little night terrors, Marshall ( I got his name through stalking). We will never ride our cool bikes together, I can never try to get you to quit smoking. Your beard will remain unloved. Ass staring still applicable. I even stopped going in to the 'bucks after I mistakenly called you a douche when you cut me off on my bike. I felt so bad. You almost memorized my drink until I decided that we had gotten too close so I started ordering tea in various forms. You could have imagined the shock and amazement when on one smoky night when I ventured to the RedBox at Safeway, you were buying hella beer and proceeded to walk by me to MY OTHER PRETEND BOYFRIEND. You guys are roommates! Imagine my delight if shit had worked out with either of you. Naked parties-your place...
So we aren't a thing anymore. I now have to re-socialize myself downtown to scope out my next vict-er, boyfriend.
When I told my buddy Syl about the situation, she asked "Is this like that Zach Morris guy you loved in Rosemont Safeway?" Hell to the fucking YES.
Maybe I should speak to high school kids about abstinence. The best method is to fall in love with strangers and stalk them from a distance. Expand your imagination to create the relationship-the way you want.
If I have kids they may be placed on some sort of state list...
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment