F M L

Today was not an 8, horoscope.

It was closer to a 6 socially, maybe a 7 at work.

Guy I liked now seeing someone. Thanks for telling me today to assure crushed dreams. And for showing me her picture. And telling me she is exhausting you by always spending the night.

Another dude becomes my friend on FB, so I can see the pics of he and his girlfriend.

Hate to bitch, but what the fuck??

Its the feeling of not having the social situation planned out that fucking kills me. The curtains were brought down when I was recapping what happened with men today, and just then my ex walks in, reminding me that my past is filled with douchebags.

Next tat:

see above.

Spring Break!

Not quite. Today being Tuesday but really my Monday. Really, the next four days should be Saturdays, but my pay results in workweeks to be included during spring break.

The other leg aide in my office has enough money to buy a house. I probably can't afford to buy a gun, so I will omit whats really on my mind.

No matter how independent I am, I want to strangle my cat and living by myself is damn lonely. My friends want me to let devil Kitty to run free outside, but he probably won't come back and I can't afford flea treatments for the little shit.

I told my friend when I was drunk that I wanted to go on a cruise with her and our friend Janet this spring. I'm too broke to go, and the money I do have all went to my new bike. I haven't called her back and I feel hella bad.

My mom is so fucking upset with me for not hitting her back this weekend to arrange when she could come visit. Well moms, baby is broke, super fucking messy, and the only enjoyment she gets from life these days is something baby knows you don't want baby takin' a part of. Socially acceptable, but not by moms!
And thanks for ragging on me on Facebook. You got the one family member I hate to pitch in her two cents too, so thanks.

March Madness Post

March, where the hell did you go?

I post this picture because I never have current photos of me. Me with a tomato is post-worthy.

I am excited for this weekend. It's a three-dayer that leads into the legislature's spring break. Currently, I am the sole staffer here everyday during the week. I have stuff to do and no money to leave. I have netflix-im not worried about losing my mind.

Speaking of losing my mind, I agreed to go rollerskating Friday night with Pico. I am going to meet up with him and a 'car mod' group that do modifications to their car. I asked-its not like Tokyo Drift. They do things like lower minivans and other creative outlets.

I want to go home today because I have SERIOUS FUCKING PAIN in my lady regions. I feel like I must be a descendent of Eve to receive this much suffering for original sin. Makes sense, I can be a misguider quite often. My personal James Franco brought me Bob last night and also enticed me to go get SCUBA certified at the Dolphin shop he works at. Sunday at 1pm! Not gonna happen when its off El Camino.

Ways and Means

When you face the red ink every month, your brain begins to evolve to think outside normal practices. Lunch becomes a hurdle, nay, an option. Dating becomes slightly obsolete as I don't leave my apartment too much because many fun things are costly. Movies are definately out, corporate bastards. Clothes are second hand and holes are ignored. Bikes have rust and cat is a psychopath. Carpet is dirty because I have a broom.

Bitching besides, my charming neighbor Mike recited - at no charge - the entire plot of Avatar for me. From opening scenes to the closing battle, I knew my shit. I don't really need names of aliens or pretend monsters/animal/dinosaurs. I need the jist. He took an unbelievable 25 minutes of explaining and reversing and inhaling and exhaling and hand motions and theories. He started to talk about the movie, paused, and confirmed that I will not be shelling out the green for the theater experience before continuing.

Also, if you regularly Bob with someone that makes more money than you, they usually discourage you from upping your cache until the weekend...although seeing my James Franco(Pineapple Express) as he delivers is something I cherish and look forward to. A bonus- he has multiple options! No Snickle Fritz offered!

The downside- you end up with less control. Example: my brother was to be on Channel 12 Morning Show last Saturday. I got up all early and 10 minutes into watching and waiting-my cable went out. Instinct tells you to call someone, actuality told me to take a ride or go to bed because I cannot call anyone to complain. I lost the History Channel a few months ago and have to face the static channels as a reminder that I am powerless to restore this quality programming. Sad Face.

Say Hello to my Little Friend

He's also the only one allowed between the stems, too!!

Drowning

The world is spinning at a faster and faster rotation. We lose days by the millisecond every time the earth stretches, and I feel it getting shorter and shorter. Those closest condemn, those further away praise...and I am left to decipher the complexities of absurd communication patterns. Why can't it all be cut and paste? What attrocities have been had that keeps me in such a transitionary state. I keep waiting for the clarity and serenity, but it is as if my mind now only feeds off the tragic, and without it, I am useless. My role in life is both daunting and rewarding; the neverending mixture leaves me alone. No one stays consistent-everyone goes home to another. I may have passed the jumping point and now I am left without any light.

Fucking depressing.

Age Ain't Nuthin But a Number, But I Look 12

At first, I thought the trend was a sign of the stress I had eliminated from my life when I chose to end communication with Adrian. After a meeting with professional scientists today, evidence points to....looking like a kid.

Our discussions on the budget crisis, complications in bargaining proposals, and direct references to a college education could not sway the expert scientists from commenting as we ended our meeting, " I saw you around the office and I swear you can't be out of high school"

I have become concerned as increasing reports of youthfulness have led me to believe that perhaps that accident I had when I was 13 actually stunted my growth and led me to stop aging. Doctors back then knew that the accident halted my growth as I retain the title as smallest person in our family. It was estimated that I was to grow until I was 21 to reach 5'10, as my mother had. At 13 I was 5'7, and I remain that height today.

Skeptical of my theory? Fine, but you got lotsa 'splaining to do to those scientists today. 3 outta 4 agree I may be the eternal Melissa.

The City by the Bay

Hellllo San Francisco! My trip there on Sunday was epic- as one should expect when descending upon the city with 4 homegirls lookin to get drunk and cause problems. The traffic there was a nightmarish 4 hours of red lights- but the city had its Chinese New Year parade on Market- which was right next to our hotel. We made fun of shitty bikers on the streets (seriously, its not that SF is that unsafe- its riders are just idiots who wobble to and fro on their uncomfortable hipster bikes) and hollered at cars that cut us off. After narrowly evading two police officers blocking the street to our hotel, we were THERE. We first went to our hotel room, number 420, and got dressed for dinner at the swanky place in the hotel. As we walked in, the bar stopped and one guy said to us, "Now there's a motley crew". Turns out he had ESP.

I can't get into complete details, but birthday girl Melissa was literally carried out of the bar after telling off a bartender, butting between couples to dance with men, and dancing without care. She screamed rape as she was kicked out and proceeded to yell at the manager for 20 minutes about how her uncle is the DA for San Diego (actually a woman) and that her arm was broken by "Tonga Tonga" bouncers. In all fairness, she thought they were kidnapping her to roast her when they kicked her out.

I got mad at some guy Janet was dancing with, so I left and kicked it by myself for an hour watching people dance and roaming about. At that time, it is estimated that every girl in our group was on her own. In the City. I went outside to hang with Bob (and the two bums and random guy I hung out with) went back in, danced with Janet, fell in love with a stranger, left hot stranger with Janet to track down the girls, and as we retreated from a random bus stop, we heard our names from afar and the other 3 girls were in their nice dresses kicking it on the curb, surrounded by Asian men.

Lets see....Melissa was giving a guy a hickey because he had a girlfriend, Rachel was smoking and singing rap songs, Hadasa was speaking in Chinese to the guys, and I sat my ass down because it was 3 in the morning and we couldn't get a cab because we were also next to an ambulance. I walked right up to it and through what I believe was an accident scene. I was drunk- I had no limits.

The next morning I awoke on the floor of the hotel. I was too drunk to try and move my girls who were already two to a bed. I had taken a shower so I was the last alive and the floor works for me. I had Bob and ate cereal at the continental breakfast before walking SF under blue skies. Hit up Union Square and Chinatown and returned to wake up two girls who chose to sleep.

So many side stories about hotboxing cabs and screaming and doing bad things in elevators- but I think I am locking those away for now....

2010- still better than last year.